I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
