He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
