yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
