She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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