Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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