i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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