you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
