I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
