fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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