I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
