I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
