I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
