what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
