Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
