Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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