Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
