i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
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im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
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Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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