Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
