We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
