Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
