Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
