I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
