Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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