Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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