oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
