Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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