Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Randomize
