i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
