Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
