Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
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He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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