My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
