she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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