Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
