Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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