No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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