3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
