Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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