that's an acceptable place to lick
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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