The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
