Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We are two peas in an std pod
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
