i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
