her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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