youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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