The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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