My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
