I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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