i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
