Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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