well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
