i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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