don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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