After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
