I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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