10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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