okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
