can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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