Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
