People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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