Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Randomize
