I wish I could punch you in the face.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
