you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
