Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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