Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
