so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
