How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
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My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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