god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
