You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
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There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
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Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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