that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
