I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he was CRYING into my vagina
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
